Character Sketch-Class Assignment Poem by Ms. JStar

Standing on a DC street corner, praying no one would stop but desperately needing someone to.

Her stomach growls were getting louder, but not quite enough to ask for help.

Her spirit hungry and pockets empty.

The shine of brake lights almost blinded, taking her mind to a place that she never wanted to go. Reality was now in front of her, negotiating pricing and services all the while trembling within.

Once in the car, hearing the door slam, she remembered her father. The things he did to her, the things he made her do. Fear took over her mind. Then echoes in her head of the rape by the boy she trusted, holding her down, cries for help ignored and disregarded. Now scared to back out, terrified of what he would do to her if she changed her mind. No choice remained but to go through with it. They parked in a dark alley and got out of the car. She couldn’t face him, she couldn’t face herself.

Leaning on the hood of the car she whispered, “Only from the back.”

Handing him the condom, she pulled down her tight blue jeans just enough for him to enter her. Closing her eyes, pretending this was not happening. Tears streamed down her face. Her soul was bleeding, attempting to separate her mind from her physical actions. Thank goodness it didn’t last long.

When it was over, she pulled her pants up and staggered almost drunkenly down the alley. Barely able to walk in her heels; the trembling was overwhelming. No longer able to control the muscles in her legs, she felt weak.

She walked back to the spot where she was supposed to meet her so-called boyfriend. Knowing he would be upset because she did nothing that was prearranged. She called him, and he was yelling in her ear of how scared he was for her. Telling her, he had been up and down the streets looking for her, terrified for her life. She desperately wanted to run, but had nowhere to run to. Her options were next to none, friends were nowhere to be found.

As he pulled up he demanded she get in the car. And started cursing her out about the money because she accepted only half of what she was supposed to ask for. He took the cash that she just sold her soul for and stopped the car in the middle of the street. He yanked her out of the car with a fist full of her hair, pulling her earring out. She heard it fall to the pavement right before her face landed. Screaming for help, but no one came to her rescue. Seeing rage in his eyes that she never knew existed. Trying to remember the love his eyes once displayed. He got back in the car and sped off, circled the block then yelled at her to get in the car.

After she did, he beat her in the face, blood gushing from her lip. One hit after another, not only bruising her face but her spirit as well. Her head kept hitting her window and felt as if it would explode. Wishing he would just go ahead and kill her, she was hurting inside worse than the physical pain she was feeling. Ending it all was something she thought about every day, but didn’t have the courage to do.

The last words she heard him speak as she got out the car, “I did this because I love you Nicole, and I was scared to lose you.”

***

Nicole sat observing the variety of different people in the busy train station. Wearing sunglasses; trying to hide her black and swollen eyes. She watched families with smiles on their faces, couples looking as if they were truly in love, children tightly grasping mother’s hand. She was desperately missing her daughters, crying on the inside while the smiles on her face hid the pain. Scared to be alone, or in the streets, this would not be her first night sleeping at this train station

As she sat reflecting, realizing the consequences for her actions. She had no one to blame but herself. She was lost from herself, lost from her true potential. Homeless, through no fault but her own and the choices she made. She lost her daughters, her husband, her job, her home, and everything that ever mattered, or what she thought mattered at the time. Her reactions reflected desperation, her need for survival, her desire to overcome. Attempting to find strength to not give up completely; this seemed like the easier way out right now. She was disgusted and blaming herself. Her situation, her actions were no longer her. She did not want to live, praying for God to end her misery and suffering.

She walked to the pay phone and called her mother with tears filling her eyes. Finally-deciding to get on the next train to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina leaving DC, leaving her daughters in order to get herself together.