Childhood Of Nightmares Poem by Ron Poetry

Take a moment and walk with me backwards through my childhood to get a handle on the man that I am, the man proclaiming to be a poet...
The building on the left... I have lived here
since I was born
I'd give anything to make it disappear.. I lived there with my mother and step father... Wow my step father..
He controlled every move I made.. Close your eyes and feel what I'm feeling by telling you this.. I'm 17 again..
I can't handle this anymore
I want to run away,
he treats me as if I'm nothing
saying I'm dumb
and stupid. Mom ignores each insult, I've taken her nicknames..
no one will ever love you'
according to him
I screw up everything I do
I feel like a slave here,
I fear
to come home, but I do basically to check on my mother,
to be yelled at everyday for no reason, because you're hurting, war dreams have you scared, lack of education because your parents never cared.. Why am I paying the price? In this crowed world,
I feel so alone
when will I be good enough?
What did I do
to not deserve love? Feels like an Updated version of the color purple, but its not my sister writing, its my real dad.. Letters and cards hidden or burnt, I ask if ANY LETTERS CAME and that's when the
hitting and screaming,
crying and bruising, begin.. In my numb state I ask myself..
When will it stop?
I've had enough
maybe just maybe
hell isn't this bad, maybe tonight is the night he takes my life..
Its been like this since i was a baby
and now I'm seventeen
I need out
I wanna be free
I hide in my room
but i know
that soon
he will come in
and I always lose
and he always wins
one more year
and then I'm out of here..
Sometimes i just wanna give up
because this...
this is enough
but then I remember I have to be strong and worry about my mother because
for everyone else will.. People in the street would never believe that such a fine well mannered young man
that has been treated this wrong, can write a song.. But until they realize it ill just
sit here as he
screams and yells
but one day he will see
ill be gone from this prison cell.
At 18 I made bail.. He killed me..