Confusion Between The New And The Old Poem by Cati Walthall

The confusion
When I'm stuck between me and myself
The old and the new
The lost but found
The forgotten but remembered
The hurt but healed
Keeps me wondering if I'm doing everything I need to do
What if I'm falling back into old familiarly shoes
Or walking a path I've already gone down
When I see a razor blade
I wish it didn't hold memories
It's like looking at a photo
And only me knowing the story behind it
It's more than a story
with one glance
I can feel the same pain I felt months ago
Before I had relapsed once more
With one touch of the blade
I can almost feel how it felt to cut
Deeper and deeper I'd go
Although the new me isn't suppose to like it
And I don't
I hate it with all my heart
but somethings keep a person lagging
The only really differnace between me and my old self
is control
Back then I said no
Gave it 3 seconds
Gave into the voice that was calling
and now I can say no
and stick with my word