Dining With A Schmuck 1932 Poem by Terry Collett

So the schmuck
put his hand
over your wrist
as you sat
at the restaurant table
with him.

You see
he said
I had to tell someone
and you're the one
I know best.

(The schmuck must
have mixed you up
with someone else) .

You looked away
from him
in case you burst
into laughter
by his sincerity.

I had to tell
someone sincere
and who I could trust
he went on.

You put on your
I am listening to you
sincerely gaze.

He paused
and took a sip of wine
you sipped yours
(expensive stuff) .

A band was playing
up on the band stand
some jazz jitter stuff.

I want to marry Rachel
but I don't know if she'll
accept me what do you think?
He said.

You looked at him
that pencil thin moustache
that center-parting
of his dark hair.

Rachael would be a fool
to turn you down
you said.

(Rachel was a fool anyway
you mused) .

Do you think so?
he said.

You smiled
sure she will
she's told me
she is head over heels
over you
you said.

(Rachael said if she
was desperate she might
if he asked) .

Thank you Bess
you are the best
he said smiling
for the first time.

You smiled too
anytime Edward
you said
sipping the wine
looking over your shoulder
wondering the schmuck
had got to with the orders.

Your stomach
was asking your brain
if your throat was cut.

He let go of your hand
and you missed it
being there.

You wished it was you
he wanted to marry
not the bitch
with the hot itch.