Edeet An Alpine Love Story Poem by archie langford

The soft white snow was calling,
From the Alpine mountain waste
On the intercontinental telephone
Where a whisky and a soda is enough to make you yoda,
And the hes cant leave the shes alone.

She was known Edeet the girl with smelly feet,
Though she always washed them daily in cologne,
She had neither friend or foe near enough to say B O,
She was a girl that for ever walked alone.

Now Carl, a music tutor had an impediment in his hooter,
In fact he`d completely lost his sense of smell,
And where people went berserks living near the sewage works
Carl thought the place was really swell.

The start of their romance was at the alpine village dance,
Edeet appeared demurely through the door,
And as if by some predetermined plan the place cleared to a man,
She was left alone beside the ballroom floor.

Carl came in and saw this vision made a quick decision,
Rushed across and gently took her hand.
He said, “Fair maiden please agree to have this waltz with me”.
She said, ”I would friend but there aint no bloody band”.

Now what she had was very true, f6r the band on saying poo,
Had left the stage much quicker than they`d come,
Carl said, ” That`s not so drastic, we can still trip the light fantastic,
I`ll tell you what I`ll whistle and you hum “.

He had no inkling why his words had made her cry.
But he tenderly kissed away each tear,
Then he said to her, “I know a place where we can go,
And it isn`t all that very far from here”.

They went into the night a winter storm was at it`s height,
In the snow drifts there was danger they`d be lost,
And poor Edeet she had a taste of snow up to her waist,
And in her knickers there was ten degrees of frost.
A mile up the snow filled road they came to his abode,
He had the fire going in a trice,
He said, “Why don’t you come and warm your frozen hand,
Wearing wet knickers that cant be very nice”.

The weather was so bleak they were snowed in for a week,
It put Edeet`s resources to the test,
Carl had the sads `cause she wouldn`t play mums and dads,
She had told him to go up to bed and rest.

He taught her the violin. to drink whisky instead of gin.
But he couldn`t teach her into his bed,
Then one day when they were snoggin` going down hill on his tobogin
He hit a rock and landed on his head.

How she fretted, how she fussed and the lad he was concussed,
And she dragged him through the snow back to their hut.
The doctor, [holding his nose] “I think it`s sad he`s been hurt very bad
I think he`s been and got a fractured nut”.

So he had to spend a term in a place for the infirm,
The isolation almost drove him round the bend,
Twice a day they wrapped his napper in vinegar and brown papper,
And very soon he was on the mend,

Then the day Edeet came by he was walking on the sky.
He said, “They say my head`s as good as new,
They`ve done my nose as well I`ve regained my sense of smell,
Poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.