Elegy Poem by Katerina Val

The pain
the endless pain
the funny way we push ourselves to throw the blade away
the coldest rain
the shiver that we get
as we crave to swim in our deepest darkest lake

as I wave, to death desperately as I wave

and I'll take what I need to take
all the pills you tried anytime to throw away
and I'll bleed if that's needed
I'll take the shame
I'll walk with you on the surface of that hated lake
It's our abhorred beloved old lake

as I wave, to death desperately as I wave

But, promise me, don't pray
don't try to diminish the heart of all the things you say
I hate the wicked method that you use
everytime you need to get our lake confused
you desire the image of a furious self to see the way you break
but dear, forgive me, that's more than you can take
all the hate, all the abuse
you mindlessly and heartlessly use
against your purest pain
I can't misuse your purified shades
darling, forgive me, that's more than I can take

as I wave, to death desperately as I wave

the funny pain I taste every moment I need to say
that, god, I don't believe but still I pray
that, god, you don't exist but still I lay
between your funny names, above my pain
I crave

as I wave, to death desperately as I wave

the phrase you need to hear, the one that feels like god
it does not exist my love but still I must
prefer the lie rather than the truth that dissolves in dust
that burns among our most intense and fakest lust
but still I'll take these pills, don't let me pray
together we can do it, we' ll sink both inside this doomed cursed lake.