Heather Moncher (3/20/92 / kenosha, WI)

How can one fill the emptiness in their life?
That is a question I often ponder.
This emptiness that I believe everybody feels, at very least, once in their life.

I wish to be distracted from it.
To not have to think about why I could cry so very easily.
Wishing I could go back to a simpler time in this life.
In the past I have filled the emptiness by falsely falling for people.

Sleeping around, and other such things.
Maybe I feel so empty partly from what happened after my grandpa died.
"Trying to make me feel better" was a big mistake.
No matter what they tell you, sex does not fix everything.

And having somebody unconsensually taking your pants off and then your underwear..
And being so numb that you can't gain the strength to stop them beyond saying no.
Then they end up pushing your legs apart and having sex with you.

And all the while you are saying no.
Just no.
But, they think they are "helping"
They think they are making it better.

But, little did they know.. they ended up causing a domino effect.
After quite awhile the person sleeps around with people they don't know very well.
Just to try to fill the emptiness, the way that they were told they could.

It seems to help a bit.
It gives them pleasure, sure.
And it distracts them from the truth for alittle while, fine.

But, the emptiness is still there.
Reminding you that you are not whole.
Reminding you that everything isn't ok.
I wonder if it ever will.

After awhile they stop sleeping around with random people.
After awhile they try so hard to put on a happy face.
Maybe if they keep that happy face on that soon it will become real.
Maybe..

But, it doesn't.
It won't.
I wonder if it will get better as I age.
Or if it will get worse.

Well, time will tell.
Time will tell.


~Anonymous