Enigmatic Glory Poem by Kai Ford

8/17 12: 20am

I've always had a hate-love relationship with you
You were always you…
Stubborn, present, and consistently frustrating.
I was always me…
Young, ignorant and blind to your resiliency.
My overall dissatisfaction led me to equip myself to change you to be
Whatever it was I felt you lacked,
And whoever I imagined you capable of becoming.
I can date my realization of our differences back to the age of 5 or 6.
One day I realized my sister's doll had long brown straight and stringy hair.
Mine was not.
I longed for that texture.
Longed for the ease of what I now know to be conformity.

My lineage like many African Americans, has roots birthed deep in the south.
My mother from Hunstville Alabama knew only of press and curls,
knew only of that Alabama red clay dirt that was pan fried and enjoyed,
knew only of natural hair that looked most presentable when straightened,
knew only of a childhood hearing about sit-ins and using separate bathrooms for colored people.
I inherently learned from what she knew.
If you couple that with pop culture dogma, you quickly acquiesce your natural hair looks best altered.

I learned when my grandmother came over to press our hair, it was our individual bonding time with her.
I learned to hold my ear when she pressed the area surrounding it.
I learned in grammar school not to sweat too much at recess or my roots would puff up.
I learned no matter how much I begged in junior high, my mother still refused to allow my sisters and I to relax our hair.
I learned in high school, the power of the crimper, fingerwaves, strawsets, fake ponytails and rodsets.
I learned at the age of 18 that having relaxed hair doesn't equal healthy hair.
I learned in college the power of the sloppy bun and unbrushed finals hair.
I learned as a young adult, our hair is the only one that can't be duplicated though with some manipulation, we can replicate almost every texture under the sun.
I learned 4 years ago, that my kinky, curly crown has an enigmatic glory of its own.
I learned wearing my hair in its natural state makes me feel transparent and free.

You taught me the valuable lessons of self-love and acceptance.
I smile at the thought of how proud my grandmother would be to see the how proud I am of you.