Farewell, Pods Poem by Percy Dovetonsils

Financial necessity
forced me,
in spite of myself,
to teach for many years.

Now that
I've been able
to retire

I want to apologize
to my many kind, worthy, colleagues
to whom
I never said goodbye.

Also,
I want
the bloodsuckers
(you know who you are,
though you pretend otherwise,
and there're so many of you)
to know
how glad I am
never to see
or hear
from you
again.

And I trust
you're as glad
not to see me any more
as I am
not to see you.

Where the hell
did you come from
in the first place,
and how did so many of you
cluster in that seemingly
harmless
community college?

And when the killer attacked
in June,2013,
with his AR-15,
why didn't he take out
any of you
who so richly deserved it
- -killing an innocent groundskeeper
and his young daughter
and a hapless
trash collector lady
instead?

I can only assume
you're all pods
from outer space,
protected from school attackers
by invisible force shields

that surround you
nightand day
and hypnotize
the faculty
into giving you tenure
so that you can never
be fired

as you relentlessly
poison young minds
and break their spirits
in your insidious
worldwide campaign
to conquer the globe
and destroy the human race,
which is succeeding
beyond
your wildest dreams
and at breakneck
speed.