'Fear' Poem by ivory cea

i have always love 'love'
i always wanted to feel
that so called 'magic of love'
i dreamed of fairy tale, and happy endings!

every night, i always pray of that ONE GREAT LOVE
and of the day that he will be
kneeling in front of me, asking for my hand

Everyday i live of believing in
fairy tale, in happy endings,
in never ending love, in great love
And in PRINCE CHARMING.

Until one crucial thing happened
it breaks me and the rest of the 'dreamer me'
reality slaps me and it just hit me so bad
enough to break every good thing about me..

Fairy tales? ? ? ?
it's an illusion
Happy Ending? ?
it never happen
One great love? ? ?
there's no such thing
Prince charming? ? ? ?
he don't really exist..

People hate me
for having such thoughts
They say it's just my way
to get their attention.

they said
'i pretend to be cold to look mysterious'
that
'i don't smile, cause i want them to make me smile'
that
'i try to look naive, to stand out from the rest'

I don't care of what
they say, or even to what they think.
They don't know a thing
about on how i have become like this..

: (

But i never wanted them to hate me
I never wanted to be afraid every time
I never wanted to be misunderstood
But what can i do? ?

When every time i stand back up
i fall again & again
I got scared every time
i attempt to try.
A lot of thoughts are searing
on my mind
thoughts of yesterday, that molds me
to what i am today.

I wanted to free
myself from it.
I wanted to just break
those ice, that i build up
these past years
I wanted to feel alive again!
I wanted to shout! !
and stop being so freakin' uptight! !
I wanted to cry!
and stop pretending to be
fine all the time! ! !
I wanted to die, to feel alive again: ((