Fear Of Rejection Poem by James Sebastiani

Fear of rejection, by James Sebastiani

Another beautiful sunny day outside,
But inside my apartment i stay and hide,
Too many people, too much anxiety,
Hoping today will be one of sobriety

But once again, as often before,
I open the bottle, and begin to pour,
Another, and another, till the numbness begins,
Blocking all thoughts, of guilt, and my sins,

Punishing myelf, for the actions of others,
My sins, the hurt i've caused to friends and lovers,
Pushing away, alienating, and distancing myself,
From people who love me, and are concerned for my health,

I want to let them in, lower my defences,
but i fear, there are always consequences,
a price to pay, so i grab moments of joy,
whenever i can, then run like a coward, and redeploy,

onto the next, for a new fix of affection,
then once again run, before the rejection,
but in the process leaving a trail of pain,
of broken hearts, i wish i could refrain,

Allow myself to let people in, and not push them out,
to feel worthy of love, not be afraid, not to doubt,
to love myself, to welcome affection,
to break this habit, of running in the opposite direction