For More Than A Year Now Poem by jkd jkd

for more than a year now
he has had this thing inside of him
- this pacemaker, impulse giver, switch,
un relais à sentir ou quoi? , whatever you may call it -
that in some inexplicable way
and for some unfathomable reason
makes him think of her.

each and every day for more than a year now,
he has been thinking of her
and now it is wearing him down.
in a long downward tumble
losing his grip
forgetting himself
pretending
he has finally come to realize
that this is what is happening to him.

at least once a day
he is feeling her
like a pang in his heart
or an explosion in his mind
or a punch in the stomach,
full of joy or pain or both
depending on the sort of reality he is finding himself in.
but there has never been a single day
for more than a year now
without it. the nights as well.
and so he is asking himself
what to do?
how to proceed?
and the answer is -
nothing -

he is just going to live with it
till it stops
losing his grip
forgetting himself
pretending
and then -
nothing.