Forgetting Poem by joanna spencer

That smell.




Sometimes I get

a whiff of that wholesome “mommy smell” and I melt a little. The sweet clean smell. Your perfume, your soap, You.




That smell is slowly fading.




That laugh, I'd like to think I've inherited your contagious laugh. Every one close to me knows my laughter. I hear about how every one would laugh with
Kristi. How did it sound? Laugh for me, just once more.


Your smile.

Thanks to photographs your smile is forever etched into my memory. A smile so bright and happy, even though I know you were not always happy, were

you?




I hope you still smile for me.




Your voice.

I KNOW it was deep. Soothing. However, I could not imagine your voice now if I tried.



Each day I am forgetting you.




Each day I become a little less sure of how you felt when I would cry laying in your lap, complaining about your prickly legs.




Each long year I age with out your guidance.




A girl can only learn so much with out a mother.




You are gone.

Your pain is gone while our pain remains. Torturing us. It has been nearly eight years.




I am so lost. I want to scream sometimes because I miss you, because I forgot what it was like to be safe in your arms... with only the monsters to scare me at night.




I wish I could fight the monsters again.




I wish you could fight my monsters for me again.




You missed the greatest success of my life so far.




You missed my greatest defeats.




You missed our love and hate and worry...




And we all have missed you so.




Nothing compares to the way I felt the day you died.




The selfish pain and the realization that you were never coming back to sit with me at night when I was afraid.




Well maybe I'm scared now...

and maybe I need you.