.~gone...Has My Heart's Magic Gate~. Poem by iron panda 23

Remember the gate that
i had around my heart? ?
i think...well i feel like its broken
the barrier i had up long ago
has been restored
and yet again has shattered

Since the gate is gone
and the barrier hardly there
my heart feels damaged
and unprotected
like just anyone can walk right in
and cause more pain

It was my magic gate
the one that kept me strong
as a person...
mentally...
emotionally...
physically...
but now i dont even know
my heart is just there
trusting any and everyone
my mind yet again is conflicting
with my heart
and the three of us
yet again discuss my fear
of being betrayed...hurt...
lied to and alone

I do trust...i have trusted
this heart of mine...its just
full of love and trust
but i cant help but think
what if it all is just a phase
or isnt real? ?
like eventually none of what i have
will matter...ill be forgotten

Why cant i just end it? ?
why wont it all just go away! !
my paranoid, self-harming thoughts
my sadness, my pain
my fear of losing what i love
my ability to find what i
no longer or never had
i dont know
how much more i can take
or how much longer
i can take it

~IP23