Grocery Store Bagels Never Mold Poem by Spock the Vegan

I don't know if you've been told,
Groc'ry store bagels never mold.
Days and weeks and months go by -
No bagel mold, do you know why?

Wheat bread in a week in plastic bag,
Gets little green spots that make you gag.
Open the bag and take a whiff,
Wind up and pitch it off a cliff!

Microorganisms eat what they can use;
When on bagels they don't reproduce.
If they want to eat them and they try,
They shrivel up and then they die.

Will you live longer if you eat a bagel?
Better check your mortality table.
Full of preservatives and pesticides,
Which your mortality table divides.

Want to live a long time - until you're old?
Eat homemade bread quickly before it molds.
You want your bagel to give you good luck?
Dry it out and use it for hockey puck.