Guessing My Death [excerpt] Poem by CAConrad

1

by choking in
11 years
4 months
2 weeks
6 days
12:18 pm

———

when i win the lottery
i want my legs amputated
and two beautiful peg legs
wooden of course

Frank Sherlock says it’s
a very bad idea
he says i should
reconsider
seriously
reconsider

i want peg legs but
he says i’ll regret it
he might be right
but what i really
want is to have my
real legs (the ones
i don’t want)
cremated because
what i really want
is to scatter
my own
ashes

i thought about getting
liposuction and having
the fat cremated
but it’s not
the same
because i can
eat more
delicious
doughnuts and
grow it back

it doesn’t count

it HAS to be
something
missing for
good you
know

but to
spread my
own ashes is something
i love thinking about
and the cheerful
sound of my
peg legs on
Philadelphia
sidewalks