Hartrampfs! Poem by john coldwell

I was once both lost for words,
And incapable of speech,
I had paucity of verbs,
And antonyms were out of reach.
But then, in fortune's hand, there came gift,
A lexicon of splendour,
And now I say just what I wish,
Thanks to Gustavus Hartrampf's Vocabulary Builder.

Would you bathe in Mercury's light,
Of eloquence and spark?
Is there timely wit in your repartee,
And in every casual remark?
Do they listen like the felon does,
As the judge pronounces guilt, or,
Perhaps you need a copy of,
Gustavus Hartrampf's Vocabulary Builder?

Would you, your sweetheart's love to own,
And take the Romeo's part?
Who's ardent soliloquy 'neath moonlit sky,
Shall cage her fluttering heart?
Then be advised my lovelorn friend,
The one way to allure her,
Is with flowers, ring and aftershave,
And Gustavus Hartrampf's Vocabulary Builder

Poor Shakespeare brief career closed,
When his plays reached thirty seven,
How many more might have been composed,
Had he the publication sent from Heaven?
It is a wonderland of wordage,
Your expressions it will guilder,
Like many multi-coloured birds that sing,
Is Gustavus Hartrampf's Vocabulary Builder.

Get yourself a copy, friend,
I'm sure you won't regret it,
T'will all misunderstanding thus forefend,
If you will only let it.
So if you wife can't understand you,
And your speeches just bewilder,
What you need, my inarticulated friend,
Is of Gustavus Hartrampf's Vocabulary Builder!