Maya Reid (New Jersey)

I know that I trust you
I trust you completely
With my life
I trust you
I just have a problem trusting trust

And though I can’t tell you what love is
I know that I love you
In every sense of the word
I love you
But love, it doesn’t love me

And you tell me about once a month
-Every time I feel like we’re falling apart-
You tell me that you’re not trying to say goodbye
And my heart swells, surges, and celebrates
But experience says that you’ll eventually run away

And being this close to you is so hard
Because you’ve raised me so high that I might not survive the fall
I try to protect myself by not letting myself be surprised by goodbye
-Cuz you will be trying to say that, eventually-
I want so badly to believe you, but we might not have a choice

What keeps me here is the chance that you could actually be
You could actually be different, be real
I’ve thrown everything I’ve got at you and you’re still here
And there’s something about the way you make me feel
So I tie knots in the string you save me with and I hang on

And when I start to slip
Which I will, often
You send warm words and cold hands down at me
And together we tie a new knot
And, a little closer to you, I hang on

Every time we become closer together
And I get a little higher off the ground
I listen to that stupid heart of mine and tangle myself in our knots, hanging on
But part of me still looks down and trembles
Sure I’m tangled in, but I’m still scared of being dropped

And so I look up at you, with hope in my eyes
And try to tell myself that this isn’t all just a guise
And I try to believe that life can be alright
And I fill myself with maybes, hoping for the best
But I can’t help but think that I’m hoping against hope