Jovan Fernandes


I am beautiful


I am beautiful

Despite the scars on my face,

The absent teeth

And the broken smile

I am beautiful

The broken nose bridge and the missing hair clump are really nothing to go by

I am beautiful

I will repeat, even if I’m the only one to say so

I am beautiful

I will tell myself, even if I evade the mirror like a coward

The first time was an impulse (atleast that’s what I thought)

But then,

The regularities grew

The extremity increased

And the want of a cause disappeared

To save non-existent pride and honour, I bore it all

Just like the many before me did,

With me do,

And after me will

I am beautiful

Though the blood clots tell a different tale

I am beautiful

I care not for the permanent limp

My mind plays games with me

Making habit clear all sensation of pain

And the numbness has spread right through my being

Turning my soul cold

And it still hurts, yes it does

Each time there’s a part of me that breaks inside

No physical torment can ever compare

To the agony of shamming your own identity

I am beautiful

In my field of memories of long forgotten moments

I am beautiful

In my dreams of paradise

I am beautiful

To me and my made-sightless eyes

I am beautiful

If just in my name –

I am beautiful

- Sabiha!

Submitted: Thursday, March 04, 2010

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