I Keep Coming Back To You Poem by mona martinez

i open up and talk about my past,
i tell you why i just can't do certain things,
why i will never be a normal girl,
you make it about you,
saying it's all your fault,
you feel like a jerk,
it had nothing to do with you,
it was a selfish jerk,
that had no right to touch me,
when i was a child,
a few days go by,

we start to talk again,
as if everything is back the way it was,
only it wasn't,
what i shared was so personal,
i hardly share it unless i feel i can trust you,
it only feels like now,
you will do anything to avoid me,
like it was my fault,
i felt like a reject,
like it was my fault in some way,
but i was a child,

what could i have done?
you say things that get me coming back,
in the back of my mind,
i know you only want me becuz you are lonely,
what kind of fool am i?
to keep coming back to something that will never work,
i never get my needs met,
and yet i pretend like i don't care,
when slowly it eating me up inside,
i can only be what you want me to be,
just like in my past,

no wonder this is working out great for you,
if i had my cake and eat it too,
i will be happy as well,
but since i can't,
not being with you is the best it gets,
you have been my friend all of these years,
and i must know more about you,
than you know about me,
at first i thought it was becuz i wasn't opened,
it was as if you didn't care,
unless i dealt and sovled your problems.