'I Know, It Is My Fault' Poem by Monyping Marial Buot

I made a choice to leave my homeland
In search of a good education, the better one
That can change my mind, my understanding, my thinking
In short, my life
As cattle keeper looks for the beautiful pastures for their animals,
As businessmen look for the best market for their goods
As a young adorned man looks for his beautiful wife among the country girls.

I love it and that is why I chose to leave you all

There was nothing apart from gaining knowledge
Made me to leave you there
And now
You have taken it, as a big problem
To treat me badly without care
Without pity as if we are not relatives.

You let me suffer,
hello!
I sleep with empty stomach, hopeless
Like an orphan
Who utterly lost hope, for he never think of any parents and relatives behind him.
I tried to live orphantly and it did not happen
It is the hardest thing I tried
It is difficult to pretend like an orphan
It's the last and the worse thing I tried and I failed

Still my heart can tell me that I have more than I need and still.suffering Morethan enough
When all of them are there
Not for me but for their businesses.

I am always treated like a boy who had impregnated chief's daughter
Like a barren woman, who does not have a child
A cursed person in the community
The outcast

Whenever I ask for a small portion of money, it seems like I asked you to sell all your cows, your property, including your ancestors' lands.

My calls are always redirected
Dodging of my calls is not a problem
My numbers had been blacklisted more than ten times
And started blaming Chinese phones because I still reach you.
I use different numbers please

You always tell me that you did not send me abroad
That I did not leave anything of my own when I left you.
I know, I left nothing at all
But our relationship is much important

Please I beg, never blacklist my number
All I need is your support

I know it is my fault, to choose a better environment for my studies.
Would you please forgive me and help each other in time of needs?