I'm Sorry Poem by Billie Jessie

I didn't mean to make you mad
I'm sorry, dad. Please put down
The belt and the bottle.
Please pay attention.
Every day it's either
Sleep or your buzz
Making me weak
You took care of me when Mother left
But now all you do is hurt me.
I cannot hide my sadness anymore
I don't know what to do
I'm scared about you knowing
All of my secrets.
Like how I'm attracted to women too
Or how I have permanent scars
From the pain. Not always from you.
Sometimes the physical pain
Hurts less than the emotional pain.
So I painted a pretty picture
On my body with your knife.
Now, I'm just waiting to see
Which brushstroke will be
My last.
You used to protect me when they would
Call me names and beat me
And now you have your everlasting
'Woe Is Me' act. But guess what?
It's not working anymore, Father.
I don't know how to make you happy anymore
And I can't be happy either.
So when is all my pain going to stop, Father?
When I finally lay my life
Into the sharp edge of another razor?
When you finally beat my life out of me?
Or, somehow, will I find an escape from
Your constant torment and lies and 'I'm Sorry's? '
Will I ever find that one
That no matter how broken, beaten,
Scarred and damaged I may be,
Will love me for who I really am?
Do YOU know who I am anymore?
I am Bisexual.
I am an Outcast.
I am a Stray.
And I am Finally accepting myself for who I am.