I Must Enjoy The Torture Poem by Eli J Tod

I must enjoy the torture
Putting my heart thru the ringer
I know this sounds quite dramatic
But I can count more than every finger
The times I laughed, the times I smiled
These an inspiration from you
The one time you made me cry-
Something no one else can do

So I have come to the conclusion
I am addicted to the twinge of my heart
Cuz I refuse to say
I’ve been addicted to you
Since the day we’ve been apart
I don’t want to tell you
But I guess I want you to see
How much I hate loving you
Selfish-
Because of what a mess it makes of me

Such a beautiful disaster
It seems that I’m stuck in this
But I don’t regret, wouldn’t change it
But I sometimes wish to dismiss
This feeling of mine, so touch and go

Me so sentimental, thinking of what used to be
It was you who said goodbye
So though my thoughts linger on you
I sincerely doubt I even cross your mind

The distance between us feels so far
It’s like I’m writing this across the ocean
Your face so vivid in my mind
Your dimple, your lips
Desire in you eyes
Just the way you are in motion

I might show this to the world
But really its intention is for you
Because I don’t know how to say..
It seems this is the best I can do
Because all I really want
Is to be able to get over you.


You make it look so simple
The way that you’ve moved on
And damnit, I’m still in your life
I wonder, do you wish that I was gone?

I don’t know how to say
How much you mean to me
But I guess here it is
I don’t know how else to make you see

I want desperately
To move on to the next stage
So anything, please help me
Anything anything please turn this page

I want to be friends
I guess I just want there to be an “us”
But I don’t want to go back
And I know, neither do you
I because I cant handle it
You because your over it.

I have to tell you straight
You will be in my heart forever
I don’t know what reaction
I expect from you
But I’m saying I want us together

It takes so long for these words to come out right
I delet and I add
And it gets later into the night
Still I can’t tell if it’s really what I want to say
If nothing, one thing I got from you
Are your indecisive ways

So I don’t know
When you’ll get this-if at all
But if I decide to hand it over
It might as well say in black and white
That I love Paul.

Ew and now that I just read it over
I find this ridiculously cheesy
It actually makes me giggle
At the lines that are so sleezy
Oh well, its lame
What can I say?
You are my best friend
So I thought you should know it all

Alright dear friend
I will bring this seemingly painful
Rambling to a close
And now be excited cuz you can pretend
You have just finished a philosophical book
Because that’s all it really is
Emotion spilling from my fingers
Letting you know
That it was my world you shook

Undecided must be a catching disease
As now every day
I have a new favorite color
A new favorite song
All the time
I have different feelings
Different things to say
So tonight I want you here
Tomorrow I want you gone.