I Seek This Nothingness Poem by Ridah Ellahi

Clenching on to the hope,
That the sun will shine again.
Will release me from the loneliness,
Being portrayed by the rain.

A tear rolled down my cheek,
A fire blazed in my chest.
Pain beyond imagination,
Made me forget the rest.

No more tears to cry,
All the sorrow has been shed.
My heart starts to beat faster,
But from the inside, I’m dead.

Wherever my sinner gaze wanders,
I see his face.
But there’s no one here with me.
I’m trapped in my own solace.

Trying to find salvation,
But where do I run?
How can I hide,
From the rays of the sun?

My eyes can not adjust,
To this bright light.
I try to fight it away,
With all my might.

Am I pretending when I say,
I’m not pretentious?
Am I pretending when I try,
To break this darkness?

Do I find relief,
When I am caged?
Constantly reminding myself,
Of the countless times I have been betrayed.

Why do I want to be sad?
What is this constant fear?
Why can’t I let someone help me,
Come close….come near?

The darkness of these four walls,
Shows me the color white.
In this pitch black darkness,
I find a ray of light.

It is today that I say,
What everyone wants to hear.
It is entirely my fault,
That no one wants to come near.

In this dark,
I escape from the happiness.
In the white,
I seek this nothingness.