I Wonder If Im Living Right? Poem by Anthony Loudin

I been up,
Contemplating if i'm living right..
Wondering if Ima make it through the day & night.
Choices I made never shaped into a better life,
Why did I ever try?
Suicides weighing heavy on my mind.
Trying to get clean
But I cant figure it out,
Ritalin inside veins
I been sick as a child.
Finding different ways,
couldn't get to set him down,
Obnoxious & Loud,
F*** it lets just kick him out!

I felt like I really just misunderstood.
I wanted to be good, You see,
I tried all i could,
but the rules that you applied
didn't do him no good,
Well F*** it
Ima raise myself
Do my own parenthood...

I cant even lie, S*** that failed too.
I started doing drugs back before high school,
I heard that's the way to get people to like you,
Now their on pace to be just like you...
A little piece of S***
You been that way since an infant,
Why do you pay attention to what other kids get,
If you would focus on yourself
& realize what your gift is
You could have life wrapped up,
Bow & its Christmas.

I'm done using apps to generate a wish list,
To fix this broken life, ima create a business.
Write about it 1st, speak it into existence,
its a far shot from here, but we're gaining in distance.

Im making changes in my life,
I can take it from here,
no more checking the mirrors,
my destination is clear,
no more waiting,
all this anticipation is fear,

WE TAKING OVER THIS YEAR!