Charlotte Ballard

If I Had Had a Plan

If I had had a plan
for my life,
Would I have ended up

I thought I knew what
Direction I wanted to go
And I worked it hard
But caved in before
I finished.
Now -
I bless the hesitation
Mistake that made
Me peek
At a different life
Long enough to know-
That it’s not for me.
Isn’t that a gift?
Not to go down a path
That clearly’s wrong?
But can’t see it so-
Because parents, friends,
complete strangers
Blessed by pride say
“She’s going to be a doctor”
“How wonderful! ”
“How special.”

And respected.

And all I wanted, really
was respect -
To heal the
Hurt of so much
Naked disrespect.

The real answer turned
out to be,
I had to clothe myself with
From inside of me.

Submitted: Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Edited: Friday, May 21, 2010

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