If Its Not You, I Dont Want Anyone, Poem by Nusrat Meow

You were my one and only
First and last
Never had one before you
Didnt know what to expect
Didnt know what to do
Didnt know how to kiss
You were the only one that caught not only my eye but my heart
I cant believe ive got you
Spent time with you
Bunked school with you
Smoked For the first time with you
Drank for the first time with you
Shared love for the first time with you
We used to chill all day at school
And when we would come home
Go straight to the computer to talk to you again
Didnt sleep all night because we were too busy talking
Next time you know its 7am, time to get ready for school
Where i would be reunited with you
We couldnt get enough of each other
We left our friends for our love
We left our sleep for our love
We left our family time for our love
Never felt so in love
It was so much love that i was going crazy
Crazy with overdose of love
Which only you gave me, only person that could give it to me
..
College came,
Timings changed,
People changed,
Who to look to turn to, who not to
But you were still there
And thats when i gave you my all
Because when everyone was here and there.. You were firmly there,
Waiting for me
..
But before i felt that i should have remembered the real you
What you do
Your friends
Your time
Your business
Because once you snapped out of the love struck
Your life went back to its normal track
And im still loving you the same as i did from day one
So theres me loving you
Wanting your time and love
Waiting by the phone
Waiting by the window
But like usual your too busy
We argued
And we fought
But we coldnt leave each other
But did i want to lose everything
Just for time and effort?
Thats what i told myself
But i should have known better that,
That without time and effort we would be nothing but a couple by name
You got used to living without me
You living your busy lifestyle kept you occupied
Me living my everyday average normal girl life didnt really help
I got upset
You got annoyed
We said things we werent meant to
You broke my heart
I broke your patience
But we cant live without each other no matter what happens
So like always we make up straight after we break up
We went on for 3 years
Like this
One day we are the happiest couple
One day we seem better without each other
..
Youve done extraordinary things
Which any girl would break up and never look at you again
But me, i cant live without you
I told myself to give up
But i needed you
I told myself to be strong
But i needed you
You used not talk to me because of the most minor things
But when you did extreme things im still here
I feel so low
I feel so used
I feel so upset
..
Few days before my birthday
I made the biggest mistake of my life
I told him for us to be friends and only friends
He took it the wrong way
And since then weve never had ups
Only downs
Only arguments
Only fighting and shouting
And on our 3 year anniversary
We had the biggest row over the littelest thing
My make up wasnt right
My outfit wasnt working
He picked me up late
We just sat and spoke
Onstead of complimenting me he complimented girls walking past
We had ice cream
And when we argued, he left me in the car and went..
He went and didnt come come..
Never have i been so heart broken
On our anniversary
This is what happened
I told myself i was done for good
But when he rang me after a few days to apologized.. I fell in love with him again
I dont know why i always do this
Whenever i get angry or nnoyed
And he just says a few words to me
I will be 100% normal again
What the flip is wrong with me
Doesnt matter how major or minor the situation is,
As soon as i see him or talk to him im back in love with him.
I feel so confused
And i hate myself for that
Im not gonna blame him anymorw
Its all me
Im so stupid
Im such a faggot
Like always i run back to him
I let him enter
Its ll my fault
He was the only one i wanted to marry
Now i dream about other men
But still need and want him
He pushed my love away
But i keep picking up the broken pieces and handing it to him to throw away
I hate myself only bcause of him
Its now been 3 years and 5 months that i have put up with all of this
I havent spoken to him for a while
I realised the less i give to him the more he gives
But when i give he doesnt like to give
But me being me
Im a giving personI need to express my love
I need someone to go out with
I need someone to talk to
I need someone to turn to any second of the day
I need someone like that
But i rejected all those boys who were like that
Now thats just me being a stupid lil beep
Isnt it
Anyways
Not gunna lie hes been a gentleman nowadays
I dont know what hes been up to be like this
So im just going with the flow
But i end up switching at him when hes too busy with his life that he cant talk
Oh well, il update you on what happens