Is This A Dream Or Reality In My Mind Poem by Ashhy Quebedeau

Standing here in my lovely white tiled bathroom
I look up at the mirror
leaning forward trying to see deep inside my soul

All i see at that moment is the blue ocean of my eyes
and lean back trying to figure out why
im locking myself out of my own mind

Am i afraid of myself or what?
or is it because i changed into a horrible monster
and dont want to see myself like that

I try entering my mind again
knocking on the rose design oak doors
and it opens up to me

I enter through the huge double doors
and walk on this narrow path
looking at everything in this wonder world of mine

i see that its full of bare trees
and that the sky is a hazy gray with a hint of light blue
but can feel the isolation in those clouds above

i walk a little bit on the beaten path
that i must have done when i was here
a long time ago

i keep walking a little farther
and see something shimmering a little ways up
im curious and go straight to it.

Its a beautiful lake... sparkling in the dim sunlight
being mesmerized by the beauty of the lake
i see bubbles forming in the middle of the lake
and suddenly a mermaid/evil girl comes
spiraling out of the water

she has her head down, her hair covering her face except her eyes
her eyes were pitch black... evil looking
had a grim smile showing her fangs to me

She had her hands spread open
and you can see black blood spilling from her wounds all over her body
turning the water to a murky black color from the blood

im frozen into place... thinking to myself run ashley run
but my body isnt listening to my mind
and i sit there watching her disgusted beauty comes toward me

I want to run but she has a hold of my mind
can feel her powerful being
chanting for me to stay and stare forever

I hear a wolf cry in the distance
and woke me up from the trance she put on me
and ran for my life

Looking back i see that she is running after me
wanting to devour my soul
and to savour that delicious appetite of hers

Running through the barren trees
being scraped and bleed a little by the low branches
thinking God hide me from this evil woman....dont let her smell my blood
and track me down like that.

Finally i come to an open space of land
and its like time has frozen into place
waiting for the moment goodness
will conquer this evil world of mine

Somehow seeing this open place
pushes me to the edge of insanity
I scream out onto the cold bare land
trying to gain control of my mind
but i feel like im slipping
loosing this battle

I scream/cry
to just get it out of my system
but emptiness swallows me whole
and i slump down to my knees

Crying...Im just saying sorry over and over again
as i rip open my arm
feeling the blood flow out of my veins
calming down when i see my own blood

I know i did something wrong
but i hear someone creeping up on me
and i turn around
seeing you standing there

Tears streaming down your gorgeous face
seeing the horrible thing ive done to myself
i think to myself... Do you still love me? ? ?

Fearing you wont... i just try to hide myself and disappear
but you come up to me, wrap me in your arms
and hold on to me
letting me know you will always be there for me
no matter what i do.

You wipe my tears away
and kiss my salty lips
and look down at my arm

Tears still fall down your face still
you tell me to never hurt myself again
or you will leave me for good.

That made me think a lot on what you said
and something inside of me clicked
and i feel happy for the first time in my life

I smile... and look around this place
and see that everything is changing
growing to become beautiful instead of barren

See that the trees have green leaves on them
hear birds chirping..
and see butterflies flying around this world of mine

I realize now that my life is changing
and dont have to worry of coming back to this
place again.. knowing ill be fine

Since i have my prince charming..
always there to catch me when i fall
and love me for me..
no matter what i do.