It Should'Nt Of Been Him First. Poem by Desiree Whitamore

I can see now how i should've known
I can see how you bit the truth back
I can see that you always knew
He would bend me until i cracked.

I'm sorry if it always seemed
that i chose him over you
and how i acted so differently
because he told me the truth.

I understand how you must've felt
when you saw me getting run down
i understand why you never spoke
just waited for me to come around.

and now i realize you must've known
that he would change on me.
and i'm thanking you for nothing here
just that you let me be.

I should've come to you
whenever i needed help.
but instead i went to him
like he would get over himself.

You must've heard me crying
to myself, alone at night.
and you knew i'd learn to be strong
learn to agree with myself and fight.

You never told me 'i told you so'
even if i never knew you knew
you always comforted me
when i wasn't there to comfort you.

i'm not sure if this is an apology
if i even know how to give one
but i understand why now
and how you let me first run.

you always bit your tongue
whenever i'd get so excited
and when i'd get hurt.
you let me, you'd never fight it.

i wish i could understand
why i always put him first
why i was never important to him
why laughing with him made it worse.

he chose to be my dad
and i thought that meant commitment
and i know now why you stayed the same
you understood that he was different.

you knew he would break my heart
just like he hurt you
you knew he'd be my favorite
but all along it's been you.

i have you to thank for everything
you were two parents in one
you made everything right
you gave me both moon and sun.

there was never a limit to love
like there was with him concerning me
i'd like to thank you for that
thank you for letting me see.