James Poem by Mallory Horne

If life's this brillant adventure why do you insist on cutting your wrist?
You run around this broken town threating people with your torn fists.
I can't express my feelings for you, they are so strong.
Why do you continue to sing that depressing song?
I thought my love for you would be enough to stop the cutting,
Your glance is so cold, so mericiless, it still can sting.
Numb, you've told me is the only thing you can feel.
That my dear doesn't give you license to steal!
Now sitting in our once lovely now broken house,
You lay their as always quiet as a mouse.
The pluse once strong in your body is now so very faint,
Did you think once deceased you would become a saint?
Razors were your toys, only a game in which you always lost.
Now you lay their in silence with your legs and arms crossed.
How pale your skin became, even when summer came around.
Everything I had lost in the world through you I was found.
Why is the only question your note didn't answer.
It wasn't like your body was infected with cancer.
Music you said had saved you from previous attempts,
Did you really think it would allow you a sense of exempt?
Of course now I seem insane, but really I am so it's ok, with the loss of you,
Can't look at myself at all, the mirror is torture, but I can't escape that tattoo.
We agreed to not have rings neither of us like them, I like the tattoo I really do,
Now I'm regretting it for now it just brings back thoughts and memories of you.
I feel like I'm being stalked by the ghost of my love,
I wish she would reside in what is said to exsist above.
Rather than in the shadows, or even in hell always there always lurking.
Nothing can stop this feeling, none of the medication seems to be working.
Empty, I can't find anyone to fill in the spot you left on my heart.
No one I've seen is nearly as sweat or kind or funny or even smart.
Which just brings me back to square one.
How I wish the past could be undone.
The signs were evident, or at least it seems without you here.
Oh, how I wish you could see how much everyone misses you dear.
The funeral was unlike any other I've seen,
There was not a spot in the room inbetween,
People you impacted in some way or another.
Look there goes you're horrid brother.
Still I wonder what happened to make you decide,
To end your life with the vile thing known as suicide?
Everyone you've come into contact with says at least, you're sweet,
Neither your father nor I did ever think of putting you on the street.
So what was it, I do not understand.
What made you take that final stand?
You aren't here to asnwer my questions anymore,
As the perimedics barge right through the door.
Just as I finish your note of 'reasoning.'
You always reminded me of Dr. King.
Tears race down my cheeks as I gasp for air,
All I can think of is the pure thought that I did care.
Now you'll never know how much you meant to me.
This wasn't something in which I would ever agree.
I appricate you mentioning my name in your letter,
There is no way in the world that without you I will be better.
Your parents still didn't know about our engagement,
They don't even know me and I don't want them to feel resent,
So after all you never did get a chance to come out,
And after all of these years we were both devout.
Now as they lay your corpse in the ground,
Your mother hugs me and I make not a sound,
For I know the consequences of untimeliness.
With all of this I truly do pray for you to be blest.
I'm gone after this to continue my life the best I can,
Wish you were still with me instead of having ran.
Alas you are not so I will go on,
Driving this PoS until it becomes dawn.