Kundalini Poem by Julia Yusupova

now i have come to own the privilege
of calling this experience my own

my soul, the matchmaker
had booked arrangements
for the bodily abode
where star-crossed lovers
intertwined and bound
as strands inside a genome


(I)

at culmination, he
the knight in shining armor
lowered first
sending along the bills
for pesky condo fees:
anxiety and mental disarray
to which the moody me
sharply reacted

“just wait and see, ” was told
“but she’ll come next! ” responded
living in memories
of the orgasmic first encounter
a partial rising of the past

“don’t dwell in expectation
nor if she comes indulge her”
what was said
“simply observe”

as difficult as it then seemed
the wise advice was heeded
by my dread-struck mind
which tried its hardest
to stay grounded
subsequently all through
the vividly apparent rise
of the meandering seductress


(II)

my heart felt like it would then quit
pink, heated energy devoured torso
from hips up to the sickened throat
yet, breathing deep was not allowed
and so i forced this vehicle to stay in lane
despite the shooting, paralyzing pains
along the spine
ignoring angels, saints
spirits, and demons
that had come as visions

vipassana was my escape
sensing the nose
staying inside the brutalized
and battered body
thank the Lord!
for if i strayed
i’d surely lose that wired self
in the crazed land of
dualistic holograms and
metaphysical mirages

(III)

as those who live through some attack
may firstly cower
secondly summon the valor
for expected repetition
so did i learn to face a fear
a lesson only to be followed by another

separate intelligences will not do
precisely that which you of them demand

so, from aversion to addiction
it seems i witnessed in myself
opponents which us humans
face in daily lives
most often without
any previous awareness


(IV)

the snakes’ domain
is sacred sexuality
though sacred in a body
only under fearless state
for those who are plagued
would then soon see
nightmarish versions
of the birds and bees
enough to scare
the sweet bejesus
as the one who came in aid of me
and then lead into insight
in regards to bodily craving
versus transcendental mating
the holy act that sages speak of

sex, not as an outward action of the genitals
based on a selfish wish
but blissful union
of the long distant lovers
right inside
having so gently just combined
at that small altar
in-between the eyes
each gliding there
from appropriate origins
slithering out of long-time hiding


(V)

then, came the point
where mere surveillance
was now seen
as an inhibiting reluctance
going against the grain
of buddhist teaching
didn’t really bother me
the rebel

in the name of harmony
i took the moment
into my own hands
even convinced the teacher
to agree with me and trust
in such a blatantly defiant scheme

how else could anyone
expect me to achieve
harmonization of ‘opposing’ forces?

letting the mental meaning in
though still maintaining

bodily connection
as in flickers of sensation
i tuned in
literally, i then felt
my whole self sway
a pendulum connected
to a mechanism of a grandpa clock
timed by his will
tick-tock-tick-tock
a pleasant current
flowing through me
bringing images and signals
yet only partially understood
regardless, leading into
energetically precise alignment

and woman-snake’s enticing eyes…
and serpent-man’s kind, grateful smile…


(VI)

the joke is that all said and done
i still yearned more, expected more
not satisfied with what then was
with a prelude, wanted an encore
was slapped by a realization
that was it
no grand finale
or ecstatic shower of gifts

a gradual process left
what i required most,
but didn’t fully recognize it

live in the body’s moment
not in plans, in fantasies, or astral travel

the male and female harmonized (?)
and thrilling energies
then mostly disappeared

now simply serve
this now is Joy
Love is this here