Tom Higgins (Egremont)

Well, here it is, and here I am,
for dinner a lettuce leaf, and a slice of ham.
If this tiny morsel, on this great big plate,
is supposed to ensure that I lose weight,
then rest assured, it will ensue,
that pounds will dropp off, and not just a few,
no, if I stick to this, then let it be known,
that I'm gonna wind up skin and bone.
my body parts will shrivel and waste,
and to top it all, I can't even taste,
such a teeny weeny piece of food,
if I served this to guest, I would be rude.
So I am going to make an increase to,
my slices of ham, yes, that's what I'll do,
a tasty four slices I'll have of ham,
and frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,
that this may slow my weight loss down,
as it will help to rid me of this frown,
and also I'll add another three,
lettuce leaves 'cos they're good for me,
and then perhaps a tomato or two,
to enhance the flavour, yes this I'll do,
then to top it all, and add mucho taste,
in a sweet chilli dressing, the lot I'll baste,
and then I'll pile it all between two hunks of bread,
because I intend to live before I'm dead!
And if I stick to this, I'll never be known,
as skinny Tom, the human xylophone!

10/05/2012