Mandy Mkwanazi Sotwili

(06 - June - 1989 / Eastern Cape)

Living without you


I could not understand what was wrong with me that would make you not want to be with me, I am a beautiful Rose, a strong child of the Universe inside and out...I have a very beautiful structure and when I walk everyone stares! I am me a proud, intelligent, extremely Gorgeous Goddess, I am Love...

For days I sobbed and isolated myself from the world,
You were my everything and I had made sure that my world revolved around you,
I felt so helpless when you told me you had met someone new,
My world crumbled right infront of me,
She was going to take my place...

I saw you laughing and smiling holding hands like nobody's business,
It was my business.
After all, you left me there in the cold and made her smile on my expense.
All the promises you made and all the trips we said we'd take together no longer mattered to you: -(

To me it was all different, I had to pick up the pieces, I didn't even know where I'd start, every time I saw you, I'd swear you saw right through me, I felt so naked out in the streets with everyone laughing at me, no place to hide, no place to go!

I didn't know that so many people knew about us, I'd crack each time people ask me of you. Besides... You were my baby, my only love.

I started seeing you in my sleep, it was so obvious that you'd come back
Why else would I be dreaming of you.
I formed images of us, me and you taking those long walks at nature parks
You were gonna be my imaginary boyfriend and you'd love me back and be with me for ever.. Ow! We are going to be so happy my love.

This time I'm going to show you how serious I am, I'm going to love you like you've never been before.
I'm going to build you a universe and you'd be my prince charming.
I'm going to give you life and breathe love to you everyday.
I am going to be patient when you are angry,
I'm going to smile at you with eyes full of hope and comfort you when you are sad...
I made promises to you that night, we talked, talked till your words echoed in my head and went silent...

As dawn slowly came, so did reality...
I found myself crying and feeling all helpless again. I knew you were not going to be mine again.

Fretting about what happened kept me busy but took me no where. This time I was going to love you in my heart forever

It was over and I had to face it

It was really Over...

Submitted: Friday, May 03, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 18, 2013

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