Lost And Confuse In My Thoughts Poem by mona martinez

i see guys as just wanting one thing,
sex,
it's seem to be all they think about,
and all they want from a girl,
don't know why i continue to punish myself,
i know i don't deserve this,
but at the same time,
i love the high that i get,
maybe that why i'm not relationship materal,
i can't handle being with just one guy,
i need to feel alive in the relationship,
and just having that one that cares for me,
start to feel suffocating at times,
they know all about you,
your good and your bad,
well i even share that much,
at times i feel like i'm living,
two different lives,
one where i be this perfect girlfriend,
nothing bothers me,
i know what i want kind of person,
than the other life is,
i'm anything you like,
personality and all,
i become there dream girl,
transform into what guys like,
the dream world seems so much better than reality,
reality has too many problems,
i hate being this girl,
i feel like a girl that got lost,
when she was trying to find her way through life,
confused, lonely, used,
what more can i add,
this don't feel like living,
but i'm so numb,
i don't even know what to feel,
and yet it's a life, i continue to live,
it feels normal,
how do you learn to love,
when feeling certain emotions feel wrong,
i feel like i'm broken,
and nobody can put me back together.