Mary Had A Little Pig
Mary had a little pig,
she knew that pigs did grunt
the pig was dressed in leaf of fig
it covered her whole c**t.
Mary had a little dog
the dog would bark and bark.
she moved the dog in with her hog,
she did it in the dark.
The pig awoke first light of dawn,
the dog a little later
one had a craving for pork brawn
so he stood up and ate her.
Now Mary, left with just a mutt,
she missed the little porker,
the dog would always scratch his butt
he was a true New Yorker.
One day when Mary took a bath
the dog climbed in to join,
and then the little psychopath
he groped her in the groin.
So Mary drowned the little beast
and went down to the Farmer,
they'd eaten at their weekend feast
all wieners, but ONE charmer.
So home she went, put on the cap
to take her evening shower,
meanwhile the wiener took a nap
for just about an hour.
At ten, when Mary went to bed
the pig sat near and rested
and one of them, or so it's said
was udderly big-breasted.
So, for the term of Mary's lease
the two got on together,
but then the pig demanded geese
you know, birds made of feather.
Well, that's enough said Mary, NO
this is no farm in Texas,
but said the pig, for me to grow
I must mix with the sexes.
Well, Mary looked and ascertained
the porker was a male,
and needed to be entertained
on an erotic scale.
They compromised, he joined her then
each night inside the tub,
and baptised him and called him Ben,
each night he got a rub.
Please don't assume that Mary would
do what you won't put past her,
she'd been to private school and could
avoid such a disaster.
What helped of course was bubble bath
it covered all temptation,
she'd had a chemist do the math
had asked for an equation
where pheromones would simply drown
in seconds in the bubbles
this all occurred in Germantown,
they never had no troubles.
Herbert Nehrlich's Other Poems
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