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Whisker droppings in the sink,
moustache trimmed just so.
Spots of water on the mirror,
always in a rush to go.
Lazy bubbles on the shower door,
toothpaste squeezed in the middle.
Trash bags waiting by the door,
clothes picked up, just a little.
Seat left up on the toilet
like a dragon waiting to bite.
Remembering is bittersweet,
little flaws have become giant sighs.
C.J. Heck
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9.3
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(42 votes) |
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Click here to write your comments about this poem (Missing Him... by C.J. Heck)
Shannon Chapel (12/9/2005 12:20:00 AM)
Nice one, C.J.
It's funny - to one person these things are a source of constant aggravation, but to another a gift from God.
A good reminder to not take the people in our lives for granted. Lovely.
Shannon |
Hugh Cobb (12/7/2005 9:47:00 PM)
CJ:
This piece is very evocative. It is a lovely description of loss and remembrance. It doesn't matter whether the loss is a death, separation, divorce or stems from some other cause. The small details are well-realized and assist the dimensionality of the poem.
The rhyme scheme is very well done, except in the final verse. That's where the slant rhyme doesn't hold up as well. It might do with a little rethinking to see if there is a way to keep the rhyme exact as in the first two stanzas. (Just a thought.) It could work like this: Little flaws giant sighs incite.
With warm wishes for a joyous Christmas season!
HDC |
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C.J. Heck
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