My Object Of Spite Poem by Elizabeth Jacqueline Mpanga

Once I loved you and adored you
Now I despise and detest you
Once I thought I could not live without you
Now I long to be rid of you

How could you say you love me yet hurt me so bad?
How can you need me yet not want me?
Why do you hold on to me yet you do not want to be with me?
Your love is 90% hurt and 1% thought.

Thought? Now that’s a nice word.
Thought for yourself, needs and longings
You don’t want to let me go because you are scared of being alone
You are scared that your cover might be blown
You scared that you won’t feel what I made you feel anymore

You are scared that you won’t be important to anyone
You are scared that no one else will want to love you as much as I did
You are so selfish, self centered and cold

Don’t get it all mixed up baby
Don’t think I still love you because I don’t
I am only with you still to confront and defeat my demons
Once I am done I will move on
I will be rid of your poignant existence in my life

I will take the pain and turn it into a joy
The neediness to self sustenance
The loneliness to dedication

All those times you don’t say you love me or show it
Pay attention to me, listen to me when I am sad, share my joys with me
Forget my special occasions like my birthday or valentines will be no more

Those where my blessings
I thank you ever so deeply
You turned me into a woman, strong yet beautiful and soft
You made me a survivor and I promise to survive you

Elizabeth Jacqueline Mpanga