My Owner Poem by Sebastian Seal

I think my owner is human,
It's rather hard to tell.
He lacks a lot of acumen,
And his brain is not very well.

Compared to me he is very thick,
I am much the cleverer,
He's always holding the wrong end of the stick,
And makes me look superior.

I put out this story to do the rounds,
My friends find it very funny.
I sell it for twenty pounds,
And make a lot of money.

Into my room my owner has waltzed,
He's reading what I've typed.
He complains that all is false,
And completely over-hyped.

He's rolling up a newspaper,
He warns me to be alert.
He's raising it over my head,
I think this is going to hurt.

Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Aaargh!
Why is he hitting me now?
He's hitting my head very hard.

He tells me to stop writing this stuff,
I reply that I refuse.
He goes away in the huff.
That's another fact I'll use.

Of us both I'm the cleverest methinks,
In a contest I am always the victor.
For I am as wise as a Sphinx,
And he's a bit of a sphincter.