My Troubled History Poem by Kelvin Rush

I cannot shake this vile disease
There are no promises or guarantees
I'm rendered weak and I can't fight back
The solace I seek is the wisdom I lack

I feel unattached from all around
Alone to grieve desolate bound
From a fatal start to a desperate end
From a high rise shock to my suicide friend

When I'm silent for too long the black clouds return
I stand no chance as I slowly burn
I'm riddled with darkness I consume no light
I'm swallowed in an instant I disappear out of sight

I don't understand because no one knows
You endure all the pain as confusion grows
When you search for reason you're instantly stopped
Pulled up by your testicles then quickly dropped

In the end all you have is a non-existence
It will send you mad if you put up resistance
You can only find peace in the face of death
Get used to the suffering it's all you have left

What struggle awaits we can only guess
Hope that God in his wisdom will clean up the mess
I'm resigned to the fact it will remain a mystery
I can only look back to my troubled history