Never Good Enough Am I? Poem by Heart of Ice Die Die Die

I'm sick of not being good enough.
You want me to be more social,
but you don't want me on the phone.
You don't want me hanging with friends.
So,
I joined a sport
I didn't really want to join.
So I could be away from my knife
and from my cigarettes.
So I could be away from you.
I hate what our 'family' has become.
Am I good enough yet?
I guess I'll just keep trying.
I'm quiter, I stay up in my room,
I don't talk to you about my problems.
I get good grades.
Am I better now?
I'll try again.
I'm around less, I'm quiet
and I don't tell you
the things I really want to.
I keep it bottled up
so you don't have to deal with it.
I try to be good,
be smart.
I try so hard.
Am I good enough for you?
What about if I just become
catatonic
except for working, cleaning, and school?
No? Still not enough?
How about now?
With a gun to my head?
Oh no,
what are you going to do without me
to dump everything on?