Nablo Peruda

on your birthday

forgive me for last November -
I never knew the day -
you were angry, to think I could forget you -
how could you know, the opposite were true
I thought of you always -
every day was your birthday

Now, I do not hope for love -
I was selfish, and asked the impossible -
you had every right to be angry.
I was in love, and yet -
I took that flight -
I abandoned you, for another country.

It is growing colder- do you feel it?
The snow will come soon. I know it will snow.
It will snow all over the world.
Everything will be white, and new
and it will be the same snow
that falls on me and you -
I am frightened -
I am scared of this world. I feel
I can never come home.

I think you will not understand me.
I write after a journey, long nights without sleep -
the mad clarity that comes with wine, or insomnia.
I have lived alone too long, and learned -
and lost - my friends
are in another country.
It has been centuries since you left me.

I write to extinguish this hope, to say goodbye,
to make peace with your ghost. I write
to bring stillness to these shivers
that still catch me sometimes,
these shivers that dance the length of my spine,
that threaten shakes or tears -
this hole that threatens to swallow..

but today, on your birthday,
allow me to dream -
to see your smile, behind closed eyes,
without sadness, without loss or bitternerness -
a picture to hold onto -
as I learn to let go of you.

Let me wish you every happiness. I never wanted
to spoil your day -
not by forgetting, this time
but by remembering too much -

And if there is love in you,
forgive me,
for running away from love.

Submitted: Friday, November 05, 2010

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