Paradox (Edited) Poem by RIC BASTASA

the gods of the little nook
universe have cursed me not to be happy and not to be able
to say what i really want in order to live fully.

i know my hands
i know the significance of each line in my palm
but the words are like forceps
that are pulling my nerves

the pains are indescribable
but it is only my silence that is the clue to my redemption

i am put in a box where i am fed some trickles of light from leaks
like pores of my skin

i know what to say but when i say the first word
the box starts to tremble it is forbidden

i tried it once and some of my roots were cut
fate is treating me like a tree without leaves

out there in the fields i see images that please me
shadows of love and bliss and immeasurable joy
the immensity of my humanity

i am sure if i touch one of those little things
sands of diamonds
my back shall grow its own eagle
wings

i have never done the things that i did in dreams
my immense joy immeasurable
i am powerless as an ant whose legs are cut
when i wake up

i boast to those who follow me that i am a black bird with shiny feathers and that i have flown both edges of the world
that i am bringing with me all sorts & songs of happiness

they have never seen my heart they only heard how it sings so well
i am glad

sometimes i wish that i have a mastery of who i really am
i am free i am chained i am at war with what i was.