Reflections Of His Childhood Regression Poem by Eric Nelson Manley Shelman

Reflections Of His Childhood Regression!

His parents
brought him up as a Christian, religiously as a boy
usually attending a Crossroads Missionary Baptist Church, with his parents, and especially his grandma and granny and
on occasion he attended a First Baptist Church,
with his siblings
but never his parents
nor, grandparents
while he attended Vacation Bible School, at the First Baptist Church, at eleven years old he asked his teacher about the Holy Trinity, saying that if God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, were all one in purpose and one in being then who opened the heavens whenever Jesus was baptized, and who descended as dove?
His teacher told him that God was amorphous and that he took pieces of himself to make Jesus and the Holy Ghost, and he never understood how and why other Christians, believed it to be true
while we was in eighth grade multicultural reading class after reading excerpts of the Holy Bible, as a form of Literature, they had discussed the Holy Trinity once again in his life and he had asked the same question, and this teacher told him that God was like water and that how water can be a liquid, solid, and a gas, and still be water, God is the same way, which he never quite comprehended this answer either
Another teacher answered by saying that God is like an egg and the he is one in purpose and one in being just like egg has to have a yolk, a shell, and a eggwhite which he kind of understand but still didn't do it for him
eventually his parents
converted to Mormonism
after having Mormon missionaries knocking on their door and sharing their good news, of their plan of salvation
their first prophet, and founder, their religious texts,
The Holy Bible
The Book of Mormon
The Pearl Of Great Price which has
The Book of Abraham
The Book of Moses, in it
and the Doctrine and Covenants, which are a record of the Mormon's church's history and beginnings
and took the lessons as they call them and prayed about it and read the Book of Mormon, and finally converted to it and changed their lifestyles to fit to the church's liking
and he was forced to convert by his mother to the Mormon Church, who took Mormonism as the only true church on Earth and she became an extremist Mormon living by every rule it says to live by in their doctrine and forcing him,
and his siblings to convert without asking them whether, or not they wanted to convert
after being forced to convert to Mormonism, when he was eleven years old, he asked his parents "who had created God? " and they were highly offended that he would even think about asking such a blasphemous, and sacrilegious question
and wanted to know who told him to ask that question and he replied by saying that if everything on Earth has to have a creator then doesn't God have to have a creator as well
They told him that God created himself and to never ask them that question again for it is blasphemous and sacrilegious to even think about it
He didn't like
nor did he agree with his parents' answer but he had to live with it
and pretend to like and agree withit until he grew up and left to join the U.S.A. Navy at nineteen years old.
One day he told his parents
that he wanted to start reading
studying and researching other religions in order to figure out
if and why Mormonism was the only true religion
Anyways his mom said if you want to read, study, and research
other religions that's fine but you have to read what the Mormon prophets of old and new have said about them instead of reading other religious texts
because if you study other religions sacred texts, then you will surely fall away from the Mormon church because your faith foundation isn't that strong in it
He began reading the Mormon's prophets of old and new's interpretations of different religions and quickly thought to himself that it was stupid to read because these were just certain men's interpretations on each religion
and how was he to know if their interpretations were correct or not
without actually reading each religious sacred texts
While he was in a World History class as a junior in high school and he learned vaguely about a few other religions around the world such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Shinto, Asceticism, Yoga, Wicca, so called Paganism, Heathenism, Greek, and Roman myths, other ancient civilization myths andreligions as well!
He was extremely fond of Buddhism's Noble Eightfold Path, and Four Noble Truths
He even liked some of so-called Paganism and even some Wicca believes as well
As a sophomore in highschool he quit believing in the Christian god named Elihom, Jehovah, El, and Jesus Christ, as well and everything else in Christianity too, and writing had become his new god because it always made him happy to write short stories and poetry. Plus it also allowed him to be his own god and creator of what he wanted to be of and/or to create
Anyways he still had to attend church like normal for him and pretend to be a Mormon and a Christian, until he joined the U.S.A. Navy
Shortly after joining the U.S.A. Navy he continued to call himself Mormon, religious for the first year and a half and realized that the world was nothing like it was portrayed to be in his sheltered lifestyle as a child and once he woke up and saw and experience the real world for what it is he eventually realized that he was no longer Mormon at all
He began to read, study, and research the sacred texts of several different religions ranging from LaVeyan Satanism, Wicca, so-called Paganism, Christian Wiccans, Occultism, Order of Thema, created by Aliester Crowley by read his book, The Diary of a Drug Fiend, Buddhism, Taoism,Hinduism, Animism, Asceticism, Yoga, Scientology, Native American Myths, and Legends, and several others as well
He didn't know what he believed in anymore and was looking for a spiritual enlightenment and he went from being Mormon to being a LaVeyan Satanist but never iniatated because there weren't any Church of Satan's around and what he loved about LaVeyan Satanism was that you were your own god and you could what you want too without having any rules to abide by nor consquences either,
from LaVeyan Satanist to Agnostic Theist, who believes he doesn't know either way and doesn't worship a creator however he does believe that something creating him just not sure who, or what exactly,
then he became an Agnostic
then he became a militant Atheist who always tried to deconvert the world with his doubt and non-belief in any god, or goddess
religion, myth, or legend
also his anti-everything mentally
and him verses the world whoever wasn't with him was against him philosophy
He also wanted a religion that reflected his anarchist and nihilist's views
Instead of finding a spiritual enlightenment as he set out to do by reading, studying, and researching these different religions he mentioned above he found logic, reason, and rationality
and today he suffers from existiential angst, every day because he has let doubt consume him and has nothing to truly believe in but my
himself and his creations!