Scattered, Taken Emotions Poem by Rayjean Carter

Confusing always overshadows the happyness you took away from me.
The will to believe repressed by the need to need. The need to want,
It bottles up inside until I scream with the happyness of letting go.
I do my best to hide that i still love you.
I try every single day of my life to forget about you. But yet, you're there,
You're right there everyday waving to me, smiling at me.
But you don't know how much you're hurting me.
When i go home at night, i cry. I see the smoke of the explosion of my emotions.
The ashes are everywhere, hard to find. Untouchable. Invisible.
Something inside of me wants to gain the patience,
To wait for you to return, knowing that you wont.
I try to confide in another for advice, but no one can help me.
No one believes in me. I stay to myself feeling like,
I've reached the climax of my life. Believing that,
I've got you on my fingertips.
But, I've learned that the heart is smarter then the mind.
It's telling me to give up, find another game to play.
But it's too hard when lots of games have the same name.
That name that always tears you apart in the end.
That game that is played over and over again.
Thats game to find love when it was already in front of me.
Again and again i bleed with the pain of finding an answer
to my sadness.
Trying to understand confusion. But none of it makes sense.
You love me once, but now you hate me? Why?
I'll never know and don't want to find out.
My mind races trying to get to the finish line.
Trying to find that happyness that made me blind.
Trying to find the reason for my emptiness.
My heart burns a hole in my soul waiting for the spot to be filled.
My heart is empty; it lost the happyness of you and me,
that can never be.
No one will ever be the same with me.
No one can speak to me and hear the same things. I've changed.
Losing has conditioned me for the loss. I will never feel it again.
Everything is scattered and can never be reached again.