Seeking Something Genuine Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

I too have gone through that process.
Believing if things,
Would only go my way...
Everything would be okay.
And those in doubt about 'my' decisions...
Would get over it!
And so happy, ultimately, we would all be.

So confident had I been,
With my interpretation of correctness.

I too abused myself with stubbornness.
Not knowing it then...
How a foolishness can haunt one's bliss.

With a believing if things,
Would only go my way...
Raised high on shoulders a lift I'd get,
To sniff the air...
With a hearing of cheers no one could resist!

And then a snapping done cracked me back into reality.
With a receiving of a request.
It seemed a lawyer wanted me to sign divorce papers.
And to do it without protest!

Does any of this make any sense to you?
Is there something I've expressed,
Sinking in and getting through?

What you want from me...
And what is not going to happen,
Is not a consideration I am going to make.
I have said no,
To any kind of relationship!
Freaky, homo, straight or discreet.
I aint into it.
I use to be...
All of that.
But today...
None of that is where I am at!
I am seeking something genuine.

Now...
What part of 'no' do you wish to have clarified?