Senator Jessie Helms Poem by James B. Earley

When as a child...I committed
An act sufficiently crass
Mother would grab a limb from the elm tree
And she'd promptly..whip my ass

Whatever the infraction
I was never denied a seat
At my mother's table
When it came time to eat

A philosophy applicable
To the errant Jessie Helms
For right there in Washington
.....Are plenty...........of elms

So...welcome the Senator to your table
Don't deny him the seat
Just whip his ass..then pass the gavel
Now Mr. Chairman..........let's eat

Author's note:

Helms, vying to become Senate Foreign Relations Chair, ignited a 1994 political firestorm with the controversial suggestion, 'President Clinton better not show up around here (Helms' home state of North Carolina) without a bodyguard.'

Helms narrowly survived the heated opposition, and was successfully confirmed by the United States Senate.