Seventeen Limericks Rated Ma15+ Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

To those people who voted for Howard
please accept, he's a silly old coward.
It is Kevin who rules
all recalcitrant fools,
what a pity your pudding has soured.

In this day and this age be alert,
that you wear a most colourful shirt.
Yes, Hawaiian will do
with the background dark blue,
you will be (in your nineties) a flirt.

I am proud to be wearing two duffles,
they resemble (sans ridges) those ruffles,
as most fellows (no pun)
only carry the one.
It's the sound of libido it muffles.

I've concluded that size truly matters
to all citizens and to Mad Hatters.
If it's simply a pin
you can't possibly win,
and your plans will be, sadly, in tatters.

_______________________________

Have you thought how with age it expands?
Thus it follows that carnal demands
due to previous birth
seeks a heftier girth,
it is something no man understands.

In our youth we are smitten with love,
it's a gift to all men from above.
As the years flutter by
they may shrink the small fry
No more talk about hand in a glove.

_______________________________

Aunt Jemima (you know who she was) ,
pancake syrup and wearing no bras,
ate too much and got fat
so he couldn't get at...
it was short. That was one of his flaws.

_________________________________

Caught her eye at the back of the choir,
she kept looking and triggered a fire.
The conductor then frowned
at the dissonant sound
of a voice that climbed higher and higher.

And in hindsight I readily see,
it was hormones her eyes had set free.
In those days he would stand
all without a command.
though of late he says 'just let me be'.

But the trigger today is not eyes.
As we age it is common to guys
that all proper commands
come from mammary glands.
They determine (if any) the rise.

_______________________________

She had grown and was rather obese,
eating pretzels and Camembert cheese.
Soon her belly kept him
who was really slim
in a state we could label at ease.

Though he tried it was simply too short
and he had to repeat, then abort,
soon he lost all his strength
with no increase in length.
They divorced in the family court.

_______________________________

If you want all your friends to admire
your great body and all new attire,
give them dark painted shades
and you'll get accolades.
Is there anything else you require?

________________________________

In the race to be president
it's Obama who'd gladly repent,
while McCain looks too bleak
with two tongues in his cheek,
but it's Clinton who's utterly bent.

Those who vote for this ugly old bag
would admire those udders that sag.
Though it isn't the looks
but the fact they are crooks
and the gladbags of sins that they drag.

It's my Mother who made the remark
while Bill Clinton may well be a lark,
with the morals of Cain
and his underwear stain
he should hide himself well, in the dark.

_______________________________________

Said the doctor, 'Miss Folger you suffer
from an illness requiring a puffer.
But you should not attach
this device to your snatch
as the puffer is really no stuffer.

Dedicated to the one who used the words 'sweet' and
'brilliant' in the same sentence.