So Much Reality Is Unreal.... Poem by RIC BASTASA

when i first saw it
and i was young then, young as
uncut as i was once,
it was like i was sucked and
swallowed and
i could not find myself
where i was,
i was lost in the
whirlpool of
the recent and the
unaccounted,

i did not regret when
it first happened,
i was caught and i could not
just escape and i loved
it when i was in that
prison
it was exciting
and i was like a Pepsi cola
bubbling

then i frequented the occurrences
it was like bathing in the river
washing myself,
drying and diving and retrieving myself
again and again
as though i am
both bait and hook and
trap
i was always caught
and i did not mind it
i simple loved what was
happening
as an oppression
of the corporal works of
'love'

then i got older
older and older and then these matters
are nothing but works
of art, literature, and mumbo-jumbo
there is nothing magical anymore
and come to think of it
i feel so guilty
that this reality does not
make me live

so much of it
so much of the reality of pain and
regret and
guilt
is so
unreal.