Treasure Island

Joel Mbowa

(15th February / Kampala - Uganda)

Sometimes


Sometimes we forget that there are people,
Watching everything we do and say.
Sometimes we forget that we are letters,
That people read and know just what they say.

In these letters we are sometimes headings
The lines, the chapters, verses, comas too.
The full stops, and sometimes we can forget
Others take seriously what we do.

We think them slight and making no impact
Sometimes forgetting all the power
To do some good for others that’s within us
We can release it like a cleansing shower.

Doing good to others - does us good too.
Remember what a man sows - he reaps
Sometimes we ignore this fact - Yes sometimes
Forget that God a daily record keeps.

Submitted: Monday, January 25, 2010
Edited: Wednesday, February 10, 2010

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  • John Knight (2/5/2010 3:56:00 PM)

    Hi Joel - Again your content is good and it is the basis of a good poem - but it has no flow and no metre. You have taken a good piece if prose and separated the sentences and (in the case of sentences 1,2,4,5,6,7) begun each sentence with the title word SOMETIMES but these two devices alone do not turn GOOD PROSE into a GOOD POEM. Again the transformation can be achieved by introducing a consistent syllabus pattern throughout the 'POEM'. Rhyme also helps with rhythm and I have rhymed lines one & three. This is now a POEM! ! ! !

    Sometimes we forget that there are people (10)
    Watching everything we do and say (9)
    Sometimes we forget that we are letters (10)
    That people read and know just what they say (10)

    In these letters we are sometimes headings (10)
    The lines the chapters, verses, comas too (9)
    The full stops, and sometimes we can forget (10)
    Others take seriously what we do (10)

    We think them slight and making no impact (10)
    Sometimes forgetting all the power (9)
    To do some good for others that's within us (10)
    We can release it like a cleansing shower (10)

    Doing good to others - does us good too (10)
    Remember what a man sows - he reaps (9)
    Sometimes we ignore this fact - Yes sometimes (10)
    Forget that God a daily record keeps (10)

    Very few words have been changed - IT IS NOW A 'GOOD POEM'.
    Yours in Poetry - JOHN. (Report) Reply

Read all 1 comments »

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