Amy Kerswell

Rookie (04 06 1987 / Bath UK)


Sometimes I'm a loser yes I am
sometimes I'm ok.
Sometimes I don't really know...
what I am to say...

Sometimes I'm afraid of life.
Sometimes that's okay.
When we're separate from this,
universal way...

Sometimes Im mad
And some times angry to.
But mostly hurt.

To the middle of this precipice,
sometimes I'm just a gust of wind....
Letting him in my head again
Its not my choice as such
Letting him win...

If I killed myself,
He wont find me
If I'm dead and gone,
He cant hurt me

To this soul of mine,
Long and dead?
Will I know I am gone?
Will I roam on and on?

As in life I could not fight.
It was way to much.

Submitted: Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Edited: Thursday, December 16, 2010

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  • Rookie Barbara Terry (12/26/2006 2:14:00 PM)

    I have had these same thoughts Amy. Over and Over again, but I still go on, because my purpose in life has not been achieved. I have goals I have to meet before I can finally rest, goals that were stolen from me unjustly 45 years ago, when my mother committed to a state residential treatment center, and they sent me to the state hospital 2½ years later. I deprived of my friends, I was no allowed to go to my friedns for the night, or have sleepovers, or just be able to go without permission, and then a lot of times, that permission was never given. I tried suicide twice, and was caught each time.

    So I know the pain you are going through Amy, because when I was 12½ my innocence, virginity, security, and trust were all destroyed literally overnight. So now I have the nightmares, the flashbacks, the sadness, the voices in my head, and a complete lack of confidence in the system, because I know how that the system is just there to treat us like we are lower than dirt, and it doesn't matter if we did anything wrong or not. ((((((((((((((((((((((((AMY)))))))))))))))))))))))) .

    Stay strong Amy, because it is in our strength that we can heal.

    With super love and big as the sky hugs,

    'If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be.' (Report) Reply

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